Getting worse


When I was younger, I felt compelled to do good things. I would paint, I would write. I felt ambivalent about doing bad things. I might argue for the sport of it, I might not.

These days, I feel compelled to do bad things. I quit, I eat. I feel afraid of doing good things, and allow myself to be controlled by that fear.

How ought one assign blame when estimating the world and himself in and of it? If the world gets worse, I must get better, lest I get worse. I cannot remain as I am.

I am a lazy person and I believe this is unfair.